[Satire] Elon Musk Launches Bid to Buy Ethereum Network

A consortium of investors led by billionaire Elon Musk has launched an audacious bid to buy the Ethereum network and rebrand it as Xthereum. The deal, rumored to be worth $100B, values Ethereum at less than a third of its current market cap. But Musk claims that the offer represents a “good deal” for Ethereum, which he believes to be significantly overvalued.

The proposal submitted to the Ethereum Foundation would see Musk’s private investment group assume overall control over the Ethereum network, including majority voting rights. This would grant them the ability to unilaterally update the Ethereum protocol and to adjust ETH issuance and staking parameters.

Musk Moves on Non-Profits

The bid tabled for Ethereum follows a similar proposal that was filed last week for OpenAI. Musk wishes to compel the artificial intelligence unicorn to adhere to its original mandate to operate as a non-profit. Analysts have noted a number of similarities between the two mooted acquisitions.

“OpenAI is the world’s most valuable non-profit,” said financial expert Trent Hunter, “And for its bagholders, ETH is the world’s largest non-profit. If Musk is looking to scoop up distressed assets, he s

hould look no further than Ethereum.”

While the Musk consortium is remaining tight-lipped about their stewardship of Ethereum, should the deal be approved, rumors have been swirling. Insiders believe Musk may be interested in converting ETH into a stablecoin, allowing its network to be used for simple payments. There is also talk of Musk applying his Department of Government Efficiency blueprint to Ethereum, slashing the number of network validators to double figures. While ETH stakers have expressed concern at this possibility, as Trent Hunter points out, “It would still leave Ethereum more decentralized than EOS.”

“Ethereum Is Not for Sale”

In protest at the Musk-led takeover bid, Ethereum validators have protested by validating blocks encoded with the message “Ethereum is not for sale.” When contacted for comment, meanwhile, Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin promised to provide a detailed response. True to his word, within hours he published a 6,000-word blog post titled “Applying Plurality Philosophy to Quadratic Arithmetic.”

The Ethereum Foundation is reported to have rebuffed Musk’s bid, insisting that it does not have the authority to greenlight such a deal. In return, Musk fired off a dozen tweets in quick succession, demanding to know who was in charge of the network and threatening to cut off all USAID funding to the Ethereum Foundation. 

Ethereum rallied on the news of Musk’s takeover bid, climbing by 1%, leaving ETH’s 12-month chart just 48% down on Bitcoin.