[Satire] Artificial Intelligence Expert Reveals That No One Knows What AI Agents Actually Do

The crypto world has been plunged into uproar after an artificial intelligence expert claimed that AI agents are not what they seem. According to DePIN analyst Arty Fischle, despite all the talk about them transforming the onchain landscape, Nno one knows what AI agents actually do.”

The comments were made during a panel discussion at a recent DePIN conference where guests were treated to complimentary wine and spirits as they discussed AI advancements. “If you ask me,” said Fischle, draining his third glass, “agents are this cycle’s metaverse. No one uses them, no one wants them, and no one understands them.”

His comments provoked a backlash from fellow panelists, with one urging Fischle to “Shush for all our sakes” before launching into a detailed explanation of the role agents play in verifying other agents to ensure a verifiable agentic framework.

Agent Arty Earns a Recall

Fischle’s comments, which quickly began circulating on social media, were dismissed by a host of agent launchpads, agent frameworks, and GPU compute networks for AI agents. According to one Senior Partner contacted by Cryptopolitan, whose Venture Capital firm has invested heavily in agentic startups, “AI agents can significantly enhance blockchain ecosystems by automating tasks, optimizing smart contract operations, and enabling intelligent, data-driven decision-making.”

They added: “As AI-driven automation improves, AI agents will power next-generation web3 ecosystems, bridging the gap between human decision-making and decentralized machine intelligence.” When pressed for examples of what agents would actually do, the Senior Partner muttered something about “low battery” and then the line went dead.

Crypto Twitter Weighs In

On crypto Twitter, opinion concerning Arty Fischle’s controversial comments was divided. Some users expressed solidarity with the outspoken panelist, claiming to have only been feigning interest in agents all along. Others took umbrage at the remarks, stressing that they’d already made use of AI agents to do “agent stuff,” while one user tweeted enigmatically, “If agents aren’t real, how can our eyes be real?”